compare and equal.

I have 5 cousins.

im the second oldest among them,

and i have an older cousin above me.

i think everyone will hav the same issue.

due to age gap,

normally we will be closer to the one tat is either older than u

or younger than u one yrs one.

so in my position,

im closer to my oldest cousin.

me and her are the oldest at home,

so it never fails for both of us to be

compared first.

my oldest cousin,

she's a very smart child.

she got into EXPRESS in sec sch

with a grade of 263 marks for PSLE.

and now,

she got to go overseas to study with

scholarship.

and,

for my other cousins,

all of them got into EXPRESS.

however,

im the ONLY one that got into

NORMAL ACADEMIC class

in sec sch.

and now im in nafa when my

cousin is over at China studying.

to my uncles and aunts,

results seems to be everything.

so now you can see the difference in me

and my other cousins.

this is whr the comparing starts.

obvious things shows.

when my uncle knows that i got into

Normal academic class,

he said to me," you didnt work hard enough,

tat's why you cant get good results to get into express."

and for my cousin, they chatted with her for hours

just to ask her what schools she wants to go with her

good results.

when i got my results for o'levels,

and found out that i cant get into any polytechnics,

they told me," why didnt u work hard. why never study. SEE,

now you cant get into any poly."

for my cousin,

she got straight to JC without taking o'levels.

everyone praises her for studying hard.

so now,

im in nafa,

they asked me," what job do u think u can get with only

art school diploma?"

my cousin,

before flying to China,

the whole family celebrated for her at a buffet dinner,

brought her out for a nice dinner a week before she left.

bought her presents.

i will never forget how my other relatives reacted

when they know im in nafa and my cousin gg overseas

to study during Chinese New Year visit.

they asked me whr im studying now,

i told them im waiting for nafa to start school,

they replied me with a 'oh~' and that's all.

but my cousin,

they chat with her asking what school she choose

over at china, what she's gonna study over there,

where she will be staying.

saying all this,

im not jealous towards my cousin,

but feeling unfair treated.

i feel that, being in a N(A) class is not a bad thing.

atleast im not that stress comapred to express classes.

being in nafa,

i found good friends,new friends.

learn new things tat i never know before.

learn how to draw.

even though is stressed during project time,

but atleast all this helps me to get jobs when i graduate.

being compared in this way hav been making me

felt treated unfairly alot of times.

but you really dont know what to do or how to answer at that moment

when you hear them saying.

it does make me think before, if is it really because i didnt study hard that's

why i cant get into express or even a poly.

but slowly when im getting older,

i realise,

is not that i didnt work hard.

im just different from my cousins.

they are doing what the adults want them to do

and they dont even know what they want to be

when they grow up.

but,

i know what i want to do and what i want to be.

The story behind every song.

one of my past all time favourite song

will be Celine Dion: my heart will go on.

there is something different about this song

compared to the other songs.

to others,

this song might be the theme song

for the movie: TITANIC, or a love song.

i got to know this song through TITANIC

the movie at the beginning.

after hearing it over and over again

on my music playlist,

i started loving this song.

but now,

this song is just a song that brings me

memories.

bad memories.

i will never forget that day.

came back from school,

wash up and when everything was done,

as usual,

i took out my cd and play it.

and of course,

the song is: my heart will go on.

i keep replaying the song over and over again.

at the 3rd time or 4th time i was listening,

suddenly my house phone rang.

pick it up,

and it was my dad.

my dad sounded really sad.

so i asked why did he called back.

he told me that,

my grandfather passed away half an hour ago

and he tried to call me on my handphone but i did not pick up.

after hearing it,

i hang up the phone while the song is still playing.

i sat down onto the floor and started crying.

the song just keeps on playing.

when it sang till:

You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

my tears started dripping out from my eyes

like waterfall.

from that day on,

i never really dares to listen to this song.

but slowly,

as time passes...

im getting better and it dont really affect me much now.

my memorable childhood.

talking about childhood,

dont really remember much about it

as it is quite a few years back.

but there are few things that

i still have some memories

about it.

first time on a helicopter

with my parents to new zealand

when i was 1 and a half years old.

it was also my parents

first overseas trip too.

even though is the first trip,

but is also the hardest and tiring trip

for my parents.

as i was just a baby,

so there are lots of things

that my parents have to look out for.

on the day we reach,

i fell and hurt my nose.

my mum was scare to death.

glad that on the second day

my nose was much better.

on the second day,

i finished my milk powder.

never fail to create trouble for my parents.

and on the third day,

i lost my jacket.

this was the most memorable trip

for me and my parents.

but,

the most memorable childhood i ever had

was in my primary school.

have been a good student from pri 1 to 5.

until pri 6,

i drop frm EM2 2nd class to EM2 last class.

in this class,

other than retain students,

there are also bad students.

didnt know much about the class,

i got to know a group of girls in the class.

after i know them,

i realised they were the bad students in class.

they are always late for assembly,

always walking into the class last after recess.

never go for school events.

slacking around the fitness corner.

students from our badge start to know

about us as the bad students.

however one day,

few wks before my PSLE starts,

i had a big quarrel with the girls.

in the end,

i choose not to go to school when that few weeks

when im not around is actually the most important

weeks.

the teachers are all revising all our work and helping

out students that are still not good in some subjects.

but i choose to not appear in school just because of the quarrel.

at that time,

i had this very good teacher as my form teacher.

even though some of the classmates are bad students,

and dislike all the teachers,

but only her,

the only teacher that the whole class is happy and like her.

she's mrs lim.

she realised that i have not been attending school for few weeks,

so she decided to visit me.

i was shocked when i saw her at my house door.

i didnt expect that she will come.

i let her in to my house and had a long chat with her.

she was the most memorable teacher i ever had in my childhood.

at that point,

i wanted to give up on a lot of things,

but she pulled me back.

im very thankful to her that she was there for me.

so this are parts of my memorable childhood.